IN THE GREATNESS OF AMERICA AND IN THE POVERTY OF THE PHILIPPINES… GOD SPEAKS
June 21, 2005 (Feast of St. Aloysius Gonzaga)
Reflections by Belina S. Katigbak in Portland, Oregon, U.S.A
One thing I am very happy about is what I learned about Prayer – that in Prayer, God makes His own initiative to reveal to man who He is and what He wants. This truth has always inspired me to go to prayer, knowing that God invites me to listen to Him. With certain few exceptions, I’ve always looked forward to my fixed prayer time as soon as I wake up in the morning in order to know God’s message to me. And this morning, I asked God in a special way to give me an inspiration to know His will for me and to pursue it. I am at a major crossroad in my life. At the very core of my being lies a desire to do something for God, for myself, for my family and for my country.
I’ve traveled a long way from the Philippines…left our country exactly one month ago searching my heart and trying to find God’s will for me. My husband and I sought refuge in Portland where his two brothers and two sisters reside. The foreign travel was initially motivated by panic over our 10-year U.S. visa, which expires on July 11 this year. Not having used it for the past six years might be construed as a lack of interest on it and would be a reason for possible denial in a future application. But going deeper into my motivations, I was just hopelessly exasperated with the way things are happening back home. My husband and I have been doing our best to make both ends meet. But it’s not just about exerting efforts rather, I thought that the system in the governance of our country was making things worse. No matter how much we tried, we just couldn’t cope up with our financial obligations. A few weeks before, my husband was able to turn in money out of a sale of his equipment. I was hoping as we have agreed before that he would settle debts with the proceeds of the sale. But as soon as I learned that he was bent on replacing the old equipment with a newer model out of the proceeds and as a consequence would incur additional debts, I thought that his financial management was going awry. It was then that I decided to leave. I felt that I had to do something in order to pay off the personal loans I got to finance the trucking business that eventually went bankrupt. I planned to do it by my own, meaning, if I got at least a six-month permission from Immigration at the U.S. port of entry, then I would work and save the money to pay our debts. I kept this intention secretly in my heart. Providential or whatever, my husband got a ticket for the two of us and we got a six-month permission to stay in the United States. This gave me another dilemma. Does God really want me to pursue my hidden agenda?
It is God’s great gift to allow me to stay with my in-laws and loved ones abroad. I feel so blessed with their kindheartedness and generosity. I am so grateful with the gift of family, relatives and friends. I had also the opportunity to see San Francisco, Las Vegas-Nevada, Arizona and Sacramento last week. This past month was full of God’s surprises. For some time I was lost in the wonders of America…I’ve seen the beauty and bounty of just a small part of America. I stood in wonder and awe at God’s special blessings to this country. There were even moments when I felt envious and asked God if He was fair enough to give so much to America and so little to the Philippines. During our long trips, which lasted from six to thirteen hours, I always contemplated on God’s will for me. The inner longings of my heart never left me. Employing all my rational powers on what is most likely beneficial to my family, I brought to prayer the “Force-Field Analysis” of my alternative courses of action. These are:
After considering the pros and cons of the five alternatives through the use of reason and giving weight to my personal vision-mission viz-a-viz God’s plan for me, I felt very strongly drawn to using my God-given talents and gifts for the building of His Kingdom where life is to the full (“I came that you may have life to the full”). Reason tells me that fullness of life would likely be met with financial and social security. With such in my mind, a possible option is migration or an ‘under-the-table’ job in the U.S. But a still voice in the depths of my being calls me to do something greater than the world’s standard of security. All these thoughts and inner longings kept my heart torn apart.
In my first visit to the Parish Church of St. Ignatius in Sacramento, California last Saturday, I made the customary three wishes. My first wish was that God would reveal His will to me and that my faith will be constant so that I will trust Him completely when I follow His will. And God answered this particular wish today. I know that God spoke His message to me. I believe the Church’s teaching on God’s manner of revealing Himself. He uses People, Events and Scriptures.
First, God used Titay Schommer, the sister of my husband. Titay fetched me from the house of Jovy so we could attend the celebration of the Holy Eucharist at the Parish of St. Therese. Along the way, Titay shared what she read about a Korean’s reflection of corruption vs. progress. Some fifty years ago, the Korean used to look up to the Philippines, being the second richest country in Asia. A narration was made about the turnaround of events, how Korea managed to overtake the Philippines in terms of economic progress, albeit the presence of corruption and that the key was patriotism, love of one’s country and of neighbor. This hit me right. Yes, we Filipinos say that we love our country, but throngs of people migrate to the United States, Canada and other first world countries to make a better living. And here I am wishing to add to their number! Back home in Pampanga, God gave me a special mission. Given the gifts of intelligence, talents and opportunities, I feel privileged to be able to participate in the mission of the church in our archdiocese. God has His way of compensating me beyond material gains. Among the 1.8 million Catholics in Pampanga, I am especially entrusted with consultancy services over the financial management of the Social Action Center of Pampanga. I am also privileged to have a seat in the Board of Trustees of AMANU (Archdiocesan Media Apostolate Network Unlimited). On top of these technical posts, what I find even more rewarding is the opportunity to harness my preaching and witnessing ability in the Evangelization-Formation seminars and Livelihood training-workshops that I co-facilitate every now and then with the director and staff of the Archdiocesan Pastoral Secretariat. I used to share about God’s love and His ways of manifesting His love for each and every one of us. I was denouncing injustice and works of evil while I was announcing hope in the midst of poverty. Being poor myself, I never got tired of sharing about Divine Providence. This became a powerful way of witnessing and helping the poor regain their self-esteem and dignity. What better way to be a true witness than to live the spirit of Evangelical Poverty! These experiences brought me to ‘Mt. Tabor’ as I had a taste of “Transfiguration”. But it has not always been a ‘Mt. Tabor’ experience. Mt. Calvary followed. Along the way, my cross became heavier and hard to carry. Soon I found no more consolations. I felt a ‘compassion-fatigue’ over the poor people I immersed with. I began to experience burn-out until I thought that our country and even our church are hopeless! But going back to the sharing of Titay this morning, I received so much inspiration from that Korean who said that progress is not about the absence of corruption, for in fact that is also prevalent in Korea. That progress in Korea was not about people working abroad and sending dollars back home but it is building economy within the walls of the country. I was then struck by what I can do for the Philippines. I was affirmed on the work that I used to do among the grassroots in our archdiocese. I am consoled with the thought that no matter how little I was doing, just like a mustard seed, it will grow. I feel so good to be able to teach the enterprising poor on how to start their business, how to compute their bottom lines and was able to encourage them to employ sound financial management. Oh how nice it is to know that as a consequence, their future contribution to our economy, no matter how small it is will make our country great again!
Second, I received God’s message through the Scriptures read during the Holy Mass this morning. The First Reading narrated God’s covenant with Abram. He gave Abram and Lot a bountiful land, which grew so abundant that at a certain time, the herdsmen of Abram and Lot began fighting with one another. Abram, not wanting to have strife against his kinsman, asked separation from Lot and gave him the preference on which part of the land Lot chooses to take. Lot chose the part of Sodom and Gomorrah, having seen its beauty and richness before its destruction. Abram was unselfish in taking the least preferred part of the land. Eventually, if we continue reading the Scriptures, we would come to know how God made a covenant with Abram and changed his name into Abraham. He made the great promise: “I will give you this land and all its possessions as far as your eyes can see. I will multiply your descendants…too numerous for you to count…” The Reading was followed by the Responsorial Psalm, “He who does justice will live in the presence of the Lord.” God’s message stirred my heart at its very core. God revealed His will for me through the readings. He made me feel that I am indeed a descendant of Abraham, my father in the faith. And that God deals with me just like how He dealt with Abraham. I was touched by Abraham’s purity of heart. His unselfishness and sacrifice as manifested by his giving preference to Lot’s choice must have pleased God so much.
Looking at myself now, I am confronted with a choice. The ‘Lot’ part of me sees the abundance of America…and I am very much tempted to choose it. But the ‘Abraham’ part of me desires to sacrifice for a greater good. If Abraham received God’s blessings in abundance, I too will inherit the abundance of faith given to Abraham. While the material inheritance is kept hidden from my eyes to leave a room for FAITH, I know that God will not leave me in want. For I know that when God calls a person, there is certainty of His Divine Operation in 4 C’s. His C-hoosing is of divine election.
He C-leanses or purifies that person. He C-onfirms that person. If I respond to His call, He will make a C-ovenant with me like Abraham. He will always protect me…”I will be your God, and you will be my People”.
And so with these reflections about God’s will for me, my heart is burning with zeal for His Kingdom. I am convinced that God created me to love and serve Him in the Philippines. When I go back home to the Philippines, my plan of action covers the following:
And so with this plan of action, may I ask you to pray with me for the purification of my intentions? Back home, it won’t be a bed of roses. But I hold in my heart God’s promise to me. To you who believe in me and God’s work in me, your support in the past has made it possible for me to cling on, knowing that God used you as instrument of His work. It is your kindheartedness, self-sacrifice and help that have made possible my participation in the mission of the Church and the country. And I salute you – the unsung heroes of the Philippines!
June 21, 2005 (Feast of St. Aloysius Gonzaga)
Reflections by Belina S. Katigbak in Portland, Oregon, U.S.A
One thing I am very happy about is what I learned about Prayer – that in Prayer, God makes His own initiative to reveal to man who He is and what He wants. This truth has always inspired me to go to prayer, knowing that God invites me to listen to Him. With certain few exceptions, I’ve always looked forward to my fixed prayer time as soon as I wake up in the morning in order to know God’s message to me. And this morning, I asked God in a special way to give me an inspiration to know His will for me and to pursue it. I am at a major crossroad in my life. At the very core of my being lies a desire to do something for God, for myself, for my family and for my country.
I’ve traveled a long way from the Philippines…left our country exactly one month ago searching my heart and trying to find God’s will for me. My husband and I sought refuge in Portland where his two brothers and two sisters reside. The foreign travel was initially motivated by panic over our 10-year U.S. visa, which expires on July 11 this year. Not having used it for the past six years might be construed as a lack of interest on it and would be a reason for possible denial in a future application. But going deeper into my motivations, I was just hopelessly exasperated with the way things are happening back home. My husband and I have been doing our best to make both ends meet. But it’s not just about exerting efforts rather, I thought that the system in the governance of our country was making things worse. No matter how much we tried, we just couldn’t cope up with our financial obligations. A few weeks before, my husband was able to turn in money out of a sale of his equipment. I was hoping as we have agreed before that he would settle debts with the proceeds of the sale. But as soon as I learned that he was bent on replacing the old equipment with a newer model out of the proceeds and as a consequence would incur additional debts, I thought that his financial management was going awry. It was then that I decided to leave. I felt that I had to do something in order to pay off the personal loans I got to finance the trucking business that eventually went bankrupt. I planned to do it by my own, meaning, if I got at least a six-month permission from Immigration at the U.S. port of entry, then I would work and save the money to pay our debts. I kept this intention secretly in my heart. Providential or whatever, my husband got a ticket for the two of us and we got a six-month permission to stay in the United States. This gave me another dilemma. Does God really want me to pursue my hidden agenda?
It is God’s great gift to allow me to stay with my in-laws and loved ones abroad. I feel so blessed with their kindheartedness and generosity. I am so grateful with the gift of family, relatives and friends. I had also the opportunity to see San Francisco, Las Vegas-Nevada, Arizona and Sacramento last week. This past month was full of God’s surprises. For some time I was lost in the wonders of America…I’ve seen the beauty and bounty of just a small part of America. I stood in wonder and awe at God’s special blessings to this country. There were even moments when I felt envious and asked God if He was fair enough to give so much to America and so little to the Philippines. During our long trips, which lasted from six to thirteen hours, I always contemplated on God’s will for me. The inner longings of my heart never left me. Employing all my rational powers on what is most likely beneficial to my family, I brought to prayer the “Force-Field Analysis” of my alternative courses of action. These are:
- Stay behind in the U.S. to work ‘under-the-table’ until my visa (permission to stay) expires; or
- Go back to the Philippines and process my application to Canada; or
- Accept the proposal of Titay (sister-in-law) to manage a possible investment in the Philippines; or
- Retain my financial consultancy project in SACOP and pursue my mission in the Archdiocese of San Fernando alongside the consultancy project; or
- Spearhead a training center merger with my friend’s accounting firm
After considering the pros and cons of the five alternatives through the use of reason and giving weight to my personal vision-mission viz-a-viz God’s plan for me, I felt very strongly drawn to using my God-given talents and gifts for the building of His Kingdom where life is to the full (“I came that you may have life to the full”). Reason tells me that fullness of life would likely be met with financial and social security. With such in my mind, a possible option is migration or an ‘under-the-table’ job in the U.S. But a still voice in the depths of my being calls me to do something greater than the world’s standard of security. All these thoughts and inner longings kept my heart torn apart.
In my first visit to the Parish Church of St. Ignatius in Sacramento, California last Saturday, I made the customary three wishes. My first wish was that God would reveal His will to me and that my faith will be constant so that I will trust Him completely when I follow His will. And God answered this particular wish today. I know that God spoke His message to me. I believe the Church’s teaching on God’s manner of revealing Himself. He uses People, Events and Scriptures.
First, God used Titay Schommer, the sister of my husband. Titay fetched me from the house of Jovy so we could attend the celebration of the Holy Eucharist at the Parish of St. Therese. Along the way, Titay shared what she read about a Korean’s reflection of corruption vs. progress. Some fifty years ago, the Korean used to look up to the Philippines, being the second richest country in Asia. A narration was made about the turnaround of events, how Korea managed to overtake the Philippines in terms of economic progress, albeit the presence of corruption and that the key was patriotism, love of one’s country and of neighbor. This hit me right. Yes, we Filipinos say that we love our country, but throngs of people migrate to the United States, Canada and other first world countries to make a better living. And here I am wishing to add to their number! Back home in Pampanga, God gave me a special mission. Given the gifts of intelligence, talents and opportunities, I feel privileged to be able to participate in the mission of the church in our archdiocese. God has His way of compensating me beyond material gains. Among the 1.8 million Catholics in Pampanga, I am especially entrusted with consultancy services over the financial management of the Social Action Center of Pampanga. I am also privileged to have a seat in the Board of Trustees of AMANU (Archdiocesan Media Apostolate Network Unlimited). On top of these technical posts, what I find even more rewarding is the opportunity to harness my preaching and witnessing ability in the Evangelization-Formation seminars and Livelihood training-workshops that I co-facilitate every now and then with the director and staff of the Archdiocesan Pastoral Secretariat. I used to share about God’s love and His ways of manifesting His love for each and every one of us. I was denouncing injustice and works of evil while I was announcing hope in the midst of poverty. Being poor myself, I never got tired of sharing about Divine Providence. This became a powerful way of witnessing and helping the poor regain their self-esteem and dignity. What better way to be a true witness than to live the spirit of Evangelical Poverty! These experiences brought me to ‘Mt. Tabor’ as I had a taste of “Transfiguration”. But it has not always been a ‘Mt. Tabor’ experience. Mt. Calvary followed. Along the way, my cross became heavier and hard to carry. Soon I found no more consolations. I felt a ‘compassion-fatigue’ over the poor people I immersed with. I began to experience burn-out until I thought that our country and even our church are hopeless! But going back to the sharing of Titay this morning, I received so much inspiration from that Korean who said that progress is not about the absence of corruption, for in fact that is also prevalent in Korea. That progress in Korea was not about people working abroad and sending dollars back home but it is building economy within the walls of the country. I was then struck by what I can do for the Philippines. I was affirmed on the work that I used to do among the grassroots in our archdiocese. I am consoled with the thought that no matter how little I was doing, just like a mustard seed, it will grow. I feel so good to be able to teach the enterprising poor on how to start their business, how to compute their bottom lines and was able to encourage them to employ sound financial management. Oh how nice it is to know that as a consequence, their future contribution to our economy, no matter how small it is will make our country great again!
Second, I received God’s message through the Scriptures read during the Holy Mass this morning. The First Reading narrated God’s covenant with Abram. He gave Abram and Lot a bountiful land, which grew so abundant that at a certain time, the herdsmen of Abram and Lot began fighting with one another. Abram, not wanting to have strife against his kinsman, asked separation from Lot and gave him the preference on which part of the land Lot chooses to take. Lot chose the part of Sodom and Gomorrah, having seen its beauty and richness before its destruction. Abram was unselfish in taking the least preferred part of the land. Eventually, if we continue reading the Scriptures, we would come to know how God made a covenant with Abram and changed his name into Abraham. He made the great promise: “I will give you this land and all its possessions as far as your eyes can see. I will multiply your descendants…too numerous for you to count…” The Reading was followed by the Responsorial Psalm, “He who does justice will live in the presence of the Lord.” God’s message stirred my heart at its very core. God revealed His will for me through the readings. He made me feel that I am indeed a descendant of Abraham, my father in the faith. And that God deals with me just like how He dealt with Abraham. I was touched by Abraham’s purity of heart. His unselfishness and sacrifice as manifested by his giving preference to Lot’s choice must have pleased God so much.
Looking at myself now, I am confronted with a choice. The ‘Lot’ part of me sees the abundance of America…and I am very much tempted to choose it. But the ‘Abraham’ part of me desires to sacrifice for a greater good. If Abraham received God’s blessings in abundance, I too will inherit the abundance of faith given to Abraham. While the material inheritance is kept hidden from my eyes to leave a room for FAITH, I know that God will not leave me in want. For I know that when God calls a person, there is certainty of His Divine Operation in 4 C’s. His C-hoosing is of divine election.
He C-leanses or purifies that person. He C-onfirms that person. If I respond to His call, He will make a C-ovenant with me like Abraham. He will always protect me…”I will be your God, and you will be my People”.
And so with these reflections about God’s will for me, my heart is burning with zeal for His Kingdom. I am convinced that God created me to love and serve Him in the Philippines. When I go back home to the Philippines, my plan of action covers the following:
- Continue praying for guidance on what business God wants Nok to pursue and I will support him.
- Should there be an offer to renew a part-time financial consultancy project with SACOP, I will accept and then continue my apostolate in the archdiocese.
- Make a feasibility study of Titay’s investment proposal and submit the paper before the end of the year.
- Follow-up the sale of my jewelry from Pia. Proceeds will help in settling financial obligations.
- Train Jay-Jay on Financial Management before he considers putting up a business.
- Plan a review program for Joseph in preparation for college in the Philippines.
And so with this plan of action, may I ask you to pray with me for the purification of my intentions? Back home, it won’t be a bed of roses. But I hold in my heart God’s promise to me. To you who believe in me and God’s work in me, your support in the past has made it possible for me to cling on, knowing that God used you as instrument of His work. It is your kindheartedness, self-sacrifice and help that have made possible my participation in the mission of the Church and the country. And I salute you – the unsung heroes of the Philippines!
